SANDMAN’S DEFINITIVE RATINGS: CELTIC v ILLEGITIMATE BRATS…
“He never sleeps, Jamesy Forrest. He is dancing, dancing.nHe says that he will never die.” – from ‘Blood Meridian’, by Cormac McCarthy.
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
VINDALOO – 7/10 – Saves that win titles. That one. Like last week’s spectacular read of the header, this was exceptional anticipation. Given the variables possible off the fluked smash from son of former Ibrox Time Bandit, John Spencer, for Vinny to calculate in a millisecond and throw himself headlong to get fingertips on it showed the instinct of a natural born keeper. He’s #1 and staying there. No need to replace him.
Anthony Ralston of Celtic is challenged by Calvin Miller of Falkirk during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
TONY THE TIGER – 6.5/10 – A reprise of his Hampden glories to shoulder a title charge? If there’s anyone more reliable then The Brickie for commitment to the jersey in times of need I’ve not seen him in the Hoops this century. You get what is stamped on the pallet – solidity, intensity, foundational stoicism. Maybe some flair if the sun’s above the yardarm. Like yet another goal attempt which would also have taken the breath away. All-in, ferociously terrific.
Kieran Tierney of Celtic scores his team’s second goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
KATIE – 7/10 – Following a somewhat tepid showing in the glamour game, the absolute necessity of a full-power KT for the rest of the campaign was emphasised today. And how. Barnstorming opening half, culminating in his WHUMPH! of a strike – hit like Seve Ballesteros punching a 200-yarder out of deep rough. Second-half fade in synch with the skipper had us reeling, but there’s backup for a reason.
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
OF JUSTICE – 6.5/10 – Back to show the halfwits what positional play is. His nous in games like these up against tricky, keen domestic upstarts can’t be underestimated. Someone in that backline has to be 100% switched-on, and this season it’s been the Ginger Baresi. Again, today, on-point when the going got tough.
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
CRUSTY THE CLOWN – 6/10 – A bit shook up last week was the man from Elvisland. But with his regular partner joining him for dinner-time kick-off he played like a man whose insurance policy has been underwritten by Jeff Bezos. Shaky moments balanced out with pertinent blocks and interceptions, up against a mobile and tricky attack.
Callum McGregor of Celtic runs with the ball during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
CALMAC – 6.5/10 – Knowing the dynamo has some sort of troublesome motor issue means every time the Celtic engine room goes into action I’m watching and listening for the cylinder head gasket to blow, more paranoid than a Zombie infiltrator at an Opus Dei meeting. But one thing he’s managing to do before the wheels threaten to come off is stage a meaningful period of domination where we can press advantage. If that’s not taken, there’s not a lot the skipper can do about it; others need to step up and gild the Easter Lilly, so to speak. Thankfully we did take just enough decent advantage of the domination he founded before his inevitable tail-off and replacement.
Kieran Tierney of Celtic celebrates scoring his team’s second goal during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park Stadium on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
THE TERMINATOR – 6/10 – May be ticking his games off at Celtic but let’s hope he – like Daizen – can find a flourish to leave us champions. At the moment he’s providing able assistance to the listing captain, but I’m of the notion that he’s going to have to find some extra and step-up big-time somewhere through these final games.
Benjamin Nygren during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
NEGAN – 5.5/10 – Aye, sort of hanging around looking for spaces and pretty passes, maybe sniffing a goal out of nowhere…But he didn’t get it, bar a free-kick well saved, and that’s where he becomes a luxury that we have to wonder is affordable for the high-intensity matches looming?
Yang Hyun-Jun of Celtic runs with the ball under pressure from Ben Broggio of Falkirk during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
YING – 6/10 – Busy, busy bee. still looking for the shine on his elbow grease but no arguing with the wee man’s enthusiasm for putting himself about.
Daizen Maeda celebrates during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
LORD KATSUMOTO – 8.5/10 MOTM – Good God, he’s an absolute machine. Warming up for the Tavpen Retirement Evisceration, Daizen replicated his semi-final terror campaign by jump-scaring the Falkirk defence. I say replicated, but there’s no concrete evidence to suggest he didn’t just leave Hampden in his Celtic kit last Sunday and continue running around until turning up for kick-off today. Mugged both their keeper and defender to score another of what will forever be remembered as a Daizen-type goal. Then settled anxieties with a fantastically-welcomed killer third. Should/could have had a hat-trick. Seems back in Unstoppable Force mode. May it continue for five more hooped outings.
James Forrest during the Scottish Premiership match between Celtic and Falkirk at Celtic Park on April 25, 2026. (Photo by Zak Mauger/Getty Images)
JAMESY – 5.5/10 – The veteran play-Bhoy hooks up with the Hoops for another year of thrilling the kecks off fair maidens all over Europe. But he gets off to an inauspicious start with a rather blunt and frustrating display by Jamesy’s recent standards, although as ever – ladies – the intent was always there to penetrate successfully.
SUBS –
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
ITCHYCOO PARK – N/A – A presence like his down the middle gives us different options and a different style of attacking dynamism. Useful movement helped get us over the line with that third.
TUTANKHAMUN – N/A – Mikey J appears, then sort of disappears. Here’s hoping he’s got something up his sleeve for the remaining matches, as we’re not seeing anything just now.
SCRATCHY – N/A – Insert the energy, Martin… And on comes our frenzied Uruguayan firestick to form that Daizen & Daftie left wing double act.
NEVILLE – N/A – Like Keleche, his distinguished presence does provide a different option, as long as the team can get attuned to playing in a format that doesn’t require a lot of legwork.
WAYNE GRETZKY – N/A – The Moose is back in the hoose! AJ makes a surprise appearance and sets 50,000 faces in a grimace every time he gets into a challenge. Or even runs a bit…
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
FATHER MARTIN AND SAMWISE GANGEE – 7/10 – MON knows now that the side he sets up with will badly run out of steam and probably momentum just after the hour. That’s seemingly becoming an evident pattern to him and he was primed with a raft of changes to absorb the blow and platform some kind of late revival. And you have to say, on blatant evidence, it definitely worked.
MIBBERY – 5.5/10 – That was a really nice try, ya wee git. Constant frustrating decisions, rubbing our players up the wrong way with snide interactions. Must have got a shuffling in his Ys when they scored that rapser; “…could this be the day that I, double first-named prodigy of a ludge janny, at the helm in the middle of the battle, witness the Bhoys’ title collapse first hand and get to wax wryly about it to chuckling beetroot-heided cooncilors and fat golf bores at after-dinner speeches through decades hence?” Eh, naw. Roon ye.
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
OVERALL – 7/10 – That’ll do. Pigs slaughtered, bacon sarnies for breakfast. The Jekyll And Celtic performance reprised but we’re getting used to it now. And perhaps the players are too – I wondered if they’d gotten over their seeming lack of self-belief as displayed through what feels like countless shambolic half-matches this season. But maybe they are learning to play around it and have found a new belief – as seen in the St.Mirren extra-time – that they can and will get back into games and win them. If that’s the case – and I hope it is – then the mindset is perversely ideal for the final four titanic league games in front of us. Starting with the cursed trip to Trainspotting Land next Sunday.
Glory, here we come.
Go Away Now
Sandman
Spirit of ’86 – Celtic team’s welcome to Paradise. Saturday 25 April 2026. Celtic v Falkirk. Scottish Premiership. Photo Photograph by Vagelis Georgariou
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“It’s a big win for us. Daizen Maeda was fantastic,” Martin O’Neill