They say deadlines spur action, so here we are on the day of the 2026 NFL Draft presenting you with the most important story of the NFL calendar. Just in time, baby.
Thanks to Fran Duffy’s Diehard Draft Guide and Dane Brugler’s Beast for the essential treasure trove of names, beautiful names. All 344 names highlighted below are real prospects in this year’s draft.
Most likely to have a nose where his mouth should be
1. CJ Picazo, G, Concordia, St. Paul
Weirdest theme park
1. Isaiah World, T, Oregon
Most likely to get chased by a dog
1. Riley Mahlman, T, Wisconsin
Best compliment to a spider
1. Sterling Webb, DT, Missouri
Most likely to put raisins in the chicken salad
1. Ryan Whitely, C, Saginaw Valley State
Most likely to open an auto dealership
2. Josh Celiscar, Edge, South Florida
1. Jackson Carsello, C, Northwestern
Worst pop-up ad
1. Kam Olds, Edge, Kentucky
Most likely to have been conceived at a bar
5. Evan Beerntsen, G, Northwestern
4. Monkell Goodwine, DT, South Carolina
3. Jager Burton, C, Kentucky
2. Dacari Collins, WR, Louisville
1. Makylan Pounders, T, Louisville
Rudest response to the opening line of Moby Dick
1. Ismail Mahdi, RB, Arizona
Best chance to win a Royal Rumble
18. Trent Battle, RB, TCU
17. Jax Harrington, G, Louisiana
16. Rodeo Graham Jr., RB, Southeastern Louisiana
15. Scooby Williams, LB, Texas A&M
14. Justice James, CB, Kansas State
13. Octavian Smith Jr., WR, Maryland
12. Marlon Gunn Jr., RB, East Carolina
11. Karate Brenson, WR, Wake Forest
10. Trey Smack, K, Florida
9. Rasheed Reason, CB, East Carolina
8. Danarius Hollywood, CB, Prairie View A&M
7. Matthew McDoom, CB, Cincinnati
6. Cameron Threatt, CB, Delta State
5. Justus Johnson, CB, SE Missouri State
4. VJ Payne, S, Kansas State
3. Marcellus Marshall, G, Minnesota
2. Cash Jones, RB, Georgia
1. Sonny Styles, LB, Ohio State
Best news about you and Dupree
1. Ja’Naylon Dupree, WR, Jackson State
Most interesting low-level bad guy in a sci-fi trilogy
43. Michael Mokofisi, G, Utah
42. Jez Janvier, T, Southern Miss.
41. Shiyazh Pete, T, Kentucky
40. Tamarion Crumpley, CB, UAB
39. Botros Alisandro, CB, Old Dominion
38. Weylin Lapuaho, G, BYU
37. Inumidun Ayo-Durojaiye, LB, Yale
36. Zhen Sotelo, G, Hawaii
35. Ckelby Givens, Edge, Southern
34. Bayo Kannike, G, San Diego State
33. E. Jai Mason, WR, Charlotte
32. Zion Nason, DT, Louisiana Tech
31. Kolbe Katsis, WR, Northern Arizona
30. Trond Grizzell, WR, California
29. Jernias Tafia, DT, Colorado State
28. Nahree Biggins, RB, Central Michigan
27. Dekel Crowdus, WR, Wisconsin
26. Zelmar Vedder, CB, Houston
25. Keanu Koht, Edge, Vanderbilt
24. Mahamane Moussa, G, Louisville
23. Slade Shufelt, Edge, Portland State
22. Omar Aigbedion, G, Baylor
21. Zukudo Igwenagu, Edge, UMass
20. Alani Makihele, G, UNLV
19. Aghogho Eyafe, WR, Jacksonville State
18. Junior Tuihalamaka, Edge, Notre Dame
17. Ky’ron Craggette, RB, Seton Hill
16. Dodji Dahoue, T, Eastern Michigan
15. Nyzier Fourqurean, CB, Wisconsin
14. Jimto Obidegwu, T, North Texas
13. Jimeto Obigbo, G, Arizona State
12. Qian Magwood, WR, Ball State
11. Nuer Gatkuoth, Edge, Wake Forest
10. Mackavelli Malotumau, DT, Western Kentucky
9. Tsion Nunnally, WR, Idaho State
8. Kyndrich Breedlove, CB, Arizona State
7. Chubba Maae, G, Arizona
6. Pius Odjugo, DT, Ohio
5. Zy Crisler, G, Colorado
4. Shakespeare Louis, S, Southeastern Louisiana
3. Gafa Faga, DT, San Jose State
2. Elvin Fofanah, TE, Gardner-Webb
1. Laith Marjan, K, Kansas
Biggest fan of Outback Steakhouse
1. Noe Ruelas, K, UCF
Best full sentence
11. Jordan Favors, S, Appalachian State
10. Jake Burns, G, Bowling Green
9. Walker Parks, G, Clemson
8. Caleb Downs, S, Ohio State
7. Latrelle Smith-Leaks,
6. Kyron Drones, QB, Virginia Tech
5. Malachi Fields, WR, Notre Dame
4. Race Stewart, DT, Western Michigan
3. Kendric Rhymes, RB, Tennessee State
2. Diego Pounds, T, Ole Miss
1. Robert Spears-Jennings, S, Oklahoma
Best name for a wayward drive
1. KJ Shankle, RB, East Texas A&M
Most obviously a fake name created by a kid
4. Victory David, WR, Western Colorado
3. Dan Dishman, TE, Texas-San Antonio
2. TJ Guy, Edge, Michigan
1. Jett Coolman, WR, Florida Atlantic
Most recently rejected Crayola color
1. Sincere Brown, WR, Colorado
Most likely transcription error you catch for the word “cameras” while scrolling Instagram
1. Cam Ross, WR, Virginia
Most handsome
2. Dash Luke, WR, Missouri State
1. Connor Finer, WR, Rhode Island
Worst sequel
1. Michael Jackson III, WR, Purdue
Juiciest rumor after the 8th grade dance
1. Bryan Felter, G, Rutgers
Most offputting way for Hank to describe the seasoning of his dish
1. Hank Pepper, LS, USC
Best nominative determinism
9. Noah Short, WR, Army
8. Aidan Meek, T, San Diego State
7. Sabastian Harsh, Edge, NC State
6. Jalen Huskey, S, Maryland
5. Jay Sharp, RB, West Florida
4. Jordan Smart, WR, Arkansa State
3. Jay Fair, WR, USC
2. Rashad Luckey, RB, Concord
1. Hayden Large, TE, Iowa
Most surprising skirmish
1. Chance Battle, T, Indiana (Pa.)
Most disappointing answer when you find out what Kimo’s bringing to the potluck
1. Kimo Makane’ole, G, West Virginia
Most likely father of Pollard
1. Mysonne Pollard, S, Delaware
Most likely to trick you into calling you Stephen
1. Stephen Saywahn, S, Louisiana-Monroe
Best news about Cory’s effort to crack the safe
1. Cory Godinet, G, Texas-San Antonio
Nicest thing to say to Xavier
1. Xavier Ugorji, RB, Benedictine (Kan.)
Sexiest characters in the romance novel the woman next to you on the plane is reading
13. Ravonte Blowe, Edge, Houston Christian
12. Lucas Laroche, RB, Toledo
11. Cicero Caston, S, Grambling
10. Laterrance Welch, CB, UNLV
9. Dru Polidore Jr., S, California
8. Florian Staehler, G, New Mexico State
7. Wesley Bissainthe, LB, Miami
6. Brodarius Lewis, DT, Southern Miss
5. Andre Turrentine, S, Tennessee
4. Blayne Delahoussaye, CB, Southeastern Louisiana
3. Marqui Johnson, RB, Bethune-Cookman
2. Lysander Moeolo, G, Texas State
1. Mansoor Delane, CB, LSU
Most luxurious farm
1. Solo Barnes, S, UTEP
Most likely to have third-round value
1. Larry Worth III, S, Arkansas
Worst alternative name for Pinocchio
1. Wade Woodaz, LB, Clemson
Best use of hyphenation
14. Ar’Maj Reed-Adams, G, Texas A&M
13. Javonte Graves-Billips, WR, The Citadel
12. Elijah Fuentes-Cundiff, DT, Syracuse
11. D’Arco Perkins-McAllister, CB, Louisiana-Monroe
10. Titus Mokiao-Atimalala, WR, UCLA
9. Kilinahe Mendiola-Jensen, S, Hawaii
8. Sawyer Goram-Welch, DT, Coastal Carolina
7. Clayton Powell-Lee, S, Georgia Tech
6. David Daniel-Sisavanh, S, Troy
5. Jordan Spasojevic-Moko, G, California
4. Ross Ulugalu-Maseuli, C, San Diego State
3. Jadarius Green-McKnight, S, Marshall
2. Ian Conerly-Goodly, S, Southeastern Louisiana
1. Placide Djungu-Sungu, S, Baylor
Most likely to be overheard during George of the Jungle’s job interview
1. George Sell, G, Wake Forest
Most likely to have twins
1. Reuben Fatheree II, T, Texas A&M
Happiest Dalton
1. Dalton Merryman, T, Houston
Most likely to have a happy-go-lucky son named Pierre
6. Jaxson Moi, DT, Tennessee
5. Martavius French, LB, Colorado
4. Yves Bosmans, WR, Charleston
3. David Chapeau, P, Louisville
2. Jaiden Francois, S, Duke
1. Jamel Fils-Aime, DT, Troy
Worst news for Mitchell the snowman
1. Mitchell Melton, Edge, Virginia
Most likely to be complimented for not even showing yet
1. Emmanuel Pregnon, G, Oregon
Most embarrassing day for Cannon
1. Cannon Panfiloff, T, Montana
Most likely to declare bankruptcy
1. Sione Nomani, G, San Jose State
Least likely to declare bankruptcy
1. Al’Zillion Hamilton, CB, Fresno State
Most likely to run for local office
1. D’Andre Townes-Blue, G, Jackson State
Least serious Isaiah
1. Isaiah Sillemon, G, New Mexico
Best substitute when you can’t remember the phrase “French Canadian”
1. Montriel Lee, G, Central Oklahoma
Funniest spoonerism
22. Gage Summers, LB, Akron
21. Sam Benjamin, DT, San Diego State
20. Cam Miller, CB, Rutgers
19. Hunter Peck, Edge, Montana
18. Brock Fox, G, Augustana
17. Kam Dewberry, G, Alabama
16. Tawee Walker, RB, Cincinnati
15. Jay Hardy, DT, Auburn
14. Mason Jones, T, New Mexico
13. Paul Rubelt, T, UCF
12. Trent Battle, RB, TCU
11. Sam Howard, LB, Tulane
10. Pat Coogan, C, Indiana
9. Jake Timm, C, Buffalo
8. Ben Mann, LS, Boston College
7. Cory Hall, Edge, UNLV
6. Luke Petitbon, C, Florida State
5. Tommy Rittenhouse, QB, Illinois State
4. Dan Hicks, Edge, Mercer
3. Finn Lappin, P, Kansas
2. Nick Dawkins, C, Penn State
1. Jaren Kump, C, Utah
Worst out of office message
1. Jacob Bizy, G, Florida State
Most painful injury
1. Torrie Cox Jr., CB, Illinois
Best feet
1. Boogie Trotter, CB, Marshall
Most supportive thing to yell to Willis during the whittling competition
1. Carver Willis, G, Washington
Most likely to get you mistakenly kicked out of class
4. Sidney Fugar, T, Baylor
3. Febechi Nwaiwu, G, Oklahoma
2. Blake Bustard, T, Southern Miss.
1. Jaylen Fuksa, CB, Pittsburg State
Best name for a calf
1. Myles Mooyoung, CB, Coastal Carolina
Most stubborn
1. D’yoni Hill, CB, Wisconsin
Most single-minded polar bear predator
1. Chase Whitebear, CB, Oklahoma Baptist
Most likely product of an inter-sentience marriage
1. Andrew Wilson-Lamp, CB, Toledo
Most likely to be smoked by Aaron Rodgers
1. Justin Payoute, CB, Ferris State
Most paradoxical
1. Gentle Hunt, DT, Illinois
Most likely to be Greg Bovino’s screenname
1. Chief Borders, Edge, UNLV
Oddest recap of art class
1. Drew Stevens, K, Iowa
Most likely to make a knockoff guitar
1. Wes Pahl, P, Oklahoma State
Creepiest co-worker
2. Nate Glantz, QB, Lindenwood
1. Landon Ogles, P, Eastern Washington
Most lyrical
13. Bryson Eason, Edge, Tennessee
12. Quentin Moten, CB, Northern Arizona
11. Braylon Braxton, QB, Southern Miss.
10. Xavier Tolliver, S, Houston Christian
9. Ahmari Harvey, CB, Georgia Tech
8. Cody Hardy, TE, NC State
7. Isaiah Jatta, T, BYU
6. Markel Bell, T, Miami
5. Makai McCall, Edge, NC Central
4. Kaden Wetjen, WR, Iowa
3. Amorie Morrison, Edge, UAB
2. Jonjon Vaughns, LB, UCLA
1. Mo Olowo, S, Northern Iowa
Least precocious
1. Isheem Young, S, Memphis
Most likely to be heard during a french broadcast of the 2000 World Series
1. Derik Lecaptain, LB, Minnesota
Most likely to have been your high school history teacher
1. Mister Williams, LB, San Diego State
Worst superhero
3. Jorel Liverpool, Edge, Charlotte
2. Noah Avinger, S, Utah State
1. Latrell Couchman, LB, Maine
Most likely nickname for Kevin to give himself when he’s tired of working in his dad’s office
1. Kevin Jobity Jr., DT, Syracuse
Most likely to call themselves a straight shooter
1. Frank Lee IV, Edge, Eastern Kentucky
Most likely to have the nickname “Hanson”
1. Jeffrey M’ba, DT, SMU
Worst babysitter
1. Christopher Eaton Jr., Edge, Sam Houston State
Biggest Frasier fan
1. Niles King, Edge, San Diego State
Most specific battlefield job
1. Cannon Butler, Edge, Iowa State
Most direct answer as to who these eels belong to
1. Ken Seals, QB, TCU
Coolest
1. Miles Davis, RB, Utah State
Best mode of transportation
1. Soloman Vanhorse, RB, Indiana
Weirdest way to describe time spent in the bathroom
1. Deuce Spann, WR, Pittsburgh
Busiest Friday night
3. Billy Pullen, Edge, Louisiana-Monroe
2. Maximus Pulley, S, Wofford
1. Joseph Manjack IV, WR, TCU
Most obviously created by faulty A.I.
20. Patrick Gurd, TE, Cincinnati
19. Colton Peoples, LS, Washington State
18. John Ferlmann, LS, Ohio State
17. Trenton Alan Yowe, CB, Arkansas State
16. Ty’metrius Patterson, LB, Benedict
15. Payton Zdroik, DT, Air Force
14. Caleb Junko, P, Pittsburgh
13. Benjamin Tolble, WR, Youngstown State
12. Wendol Philord, CB, Florida Atlantic
11. Var’Keyes Gumms, TE, UNLV
10. Nolan Ulm, WR, Eastern Washington
9. Xyre Wilson, WR, Valdosta State
8. Ty Pezza, WR, Brown
7. Az Williams, S, Troy
6. Jy Gilmore, CB, Georgia Tech
5. O’Mega Blake, WR, Arkansas
4. Zxavian Harris, DT, Ole Miss
3. Andrew McIlquham, LS, UNLV
2. KK Reno, LB, Southeastern Louisiana
1. Qwyn Williams, DT, Hawaii
Best name for a late-night host’s dog
1. Jimmy Kibble, WR, Georgetown
Best shorthand when looking for the password to The Beast
1. Dane Key, WR, Nebraska
Most concise instructions to the painter
1. Tanner Wall, S, BYU
Best potential Chris Bermanisms
8. Lawrence “Mad” Hattar, G, Michigan
7. Monroe Free”Fal”ling, T, Georgia
6. Bryce “You” Boettcher “Butt I did,” LB, Oregon
5. Dillon Thieneman “Square,” S, Oregon
4. Max Iheanachor “Gesundheit,” T, Arizona State
3. KC “Immaculate” Concepcion, WR, Texas A&M
2. Dariel “Haywood” Djabome, LB, Rutgers
1. Chy “Me a” Rivers, RB, Kentucky
Most likely to have a strong opinion about the best guard of all-time
7. Kobe Baynes, G, Kansas
6. Kobe Singleton, CB, Oregon State
5. Jordan Lovett, S, Kentucky
4. Kobe Paysour, WR, North Carolina
3. Kobe Stewart, Edge, Buffalo
2. Kobe Prentice, WR, Baylor
1. Michael Jordan Jr., DT, Fresno State
Rudest way to describe the congregation
2. Christian Hilborn, T, Washington State
1. Christian Hicks, Edge, Mercer
Deepest inner turmoil
1. Shakur Smalls, S, Arkansas
Strongest sense of self
1. Tommy Thomas, WR, Chadron State
Oddest new playground game
1. Chase Belcher, RB, Kennesaw State
Most quicklyrejected Disney characters
5. Antavious Fish, LB, Sam Houston State
4. Coleby Hamm, RB, McNeese State
3. Anwar Sparrow, LB, Syracuse
2. Squirrel White, WR, Florida State
1. Mickey Rewolinski, G, Eastern Michigan
Best way to describe your recent stretch of happiness
1. Ben Smiley III, Edge, UConn
Most Canadian
2. Channing Canada, CB, TCU
1. Xavian Sorey Jr., LB, Arkansas
Clearest sign it’s been 23.5 years since “Hey Ma” was released
2. Cam’Ron Ransom, QB, Bethune-Cookman
1. Cam’Ron Stewart, Edge, Temple
Most fun to say
25. Jack Dingle, LB, Cincinnati
24. Scarlee Jean, T, Florida Atlantic
23. Kaufusi Pakofe, DT, BYU
22. Atticus Sappington, K, Oregon
21. Ephysians Prysock, CB, Washington
20. Gunner Maldonado, S, Kansas State
19. Fa’alili Fa’amoe, T, Wake Forest
18. Edward Bobino III, DT, Stephen F. Austin
17. Ryan Mosesso, T, UMass
16. Quindarius Dunnigan, Edge, Michigan State
15. Aneesh Vyas, DT, Washington
14. Tacario Davis, WR, Washington
13. Mana Taimani, DT, Colorado
12. Oluwaseyi Omotosho, LB, West Virginia
11. Kajiya Hollawayne, WR, Temple
10. Que McBroom, T, Louisiana-Monroe
9. Kapena Gushiken, S, Ole Miss
8. Tahj Ra-El, S, Purdue
7. David Tuihalangingie, LB, San Jose State
6. Alajujuan Sparks Jr., DT, Prairie View A&M
5. Toluwalope Ayedegbe, RB, British Columbia
4. Peseti Lapuaho, T, San Jose State
3. Kuao Peihopa, G, Hawaii
2. Pooda Walker, DT, Memphis
1. Chibuike Madu, Edge, Nigeria (IPP)
Most likely to become a lawyer
3. Council Allen, WR, Valdosta State
2. Logan Loya, WR, UCLA
1. J. Michael Sturdivant, WR, Florida
Worst drink
1. Jake Tarwater, TE, Fresno State
Most likely to be in heaven
3. Bishop Fitzgerald, S, USC
2. Brock Dieu, C, Washington State
1. Angel King, S, Weber State
Best characters in a crime novel you picked up at the airport
11. Dontay Corleone, WR, Cincinnati
10. Frankie Dunn Jr., CB, Jackson State
9. Jordan Crook, LB, Arizona State
8. Tommy Dunn Jr., DT, Kansas
7. Rocco Underwood, LS, Florida
6. Deno Wardlow, S, Charleston
5. Vito Tisdale Jr., CB, Eastern Kentucky
4. Mordecai McDaniel, S, Oklahoma State
3. Myles Slusher, S, Purdue
2. Guz Zilinskas, C, Rutgers
1. Sullivan Moon, K, Colorado Mesa
Best advice to diversify when you type “ha” too often
1. JK Moore, CB, Stephen F. Austin
Best name for an offensive lineman
1. Marcell Blocker, CB, UTEP
Worst name for an offensive lineman
1. Michael Heldman, Edge, Central Michigan
Least lucrative imposters
4. Kevin Cline, T, Boston College
3. Terrill Davis, WR, Oklahoma State
2. Matt Lauter, TE, Boise State
1. Joe Pesansky, QB, Florida International
Best fit in New England
2. Denzel Boston, WR, Washington
1. Sam Adams II, RB, Sacramento State
Worst fit in New England
1. Jordan Hudson, WR, SMU
Most likely to have a story to tell
1. Christopher Wallace Jr., S, South Alabama
Most suspenseful
1. Will Lee III, CB, Texas A&M
Most shocking revelation about KC
1. KC Eziomume, CB, Tulane